And it's no wonder if you're deeply shaken or anxious when your marriage or partnership is changing and doesn't feel as stable or dependable. Very likely you're both having some unusually intense emotions, such as anger, anxiety, fear, confusion, and resentment. Having waves of emotion or pulling within when you're having marriage or relationship problems is completely normal.
It's an early warning and self protection system built into our brains - to alert us when something valuable or crucial to our well-being is at risk. Yes, our emotions are important and natural, but without knowing how they function and how to manage them, they can quickly cloud our judgment, result in uncensored words and actions, and literally switch off our ability to communicate with our partner in a cooperative and compassionate manner.
Even the most sincere attempts at communication quickly fall apart once anger, or fear, or hurt or another strong emotion gets triggered. On the other hand. Every couple I've met at Asheville Marriage Counseling is completely unique and facing specific challenges.
It's an early warning and self protection system built into our brains - to alert us when something valuable or crucial to our well-being is at risk. Yes, our emotions are important and natural, but without knowing how they function and how to manage them, they can quickly cloud our judgment, result in uncensored words and actions, and literally switch off our ability to communicate with our partner in a cooperative and compassionate manner.
Even the most sincere attempts at communication quickly fall apart once anger, or fear, or hurt or another strong emotion gets triggered. On the other hand. Every couple I've met at Asheville Marriage Counseling is completely unique and facing specific challenges.
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You might like to know a bit about my background and how I came to be a marriage counselor.
I'm one of those folks who essentially knew what I'd be doing for a career before I graduated from high school.
Well almost.
I did briefly consider becoming a lawyer or minister during my first year of college.
But, counseling always had the inside track.
I can't explain why.
I'd never actually had any experience with counseling as a child and no one in my family was remotely involved with the field.
So, I suppose becoming a counselor was mostly a natural extension of my basic temperament and my interest in people, which had been with me since childhood.
I'm one of those folks who essentially knew what I'd be doing for a career before I graduated from high school.
Well almost.
I did briefly consider becoming a lawyer or minister during my first year of college.
But, counseling always had the inside track.
I can't explain why.
I'd never actually had any experience with counseling as a child and no one in my family was remotely involved with the field.
So, I suppose becoming a counselor was mostly a natural extension of my basic temperament and my interest in people, which had been with me since childhood.
I don't recall meeting the first time with any couple who really wanted to be meeting with a marriage counselor.
So, we can feel pretty raw and vulnerable when our marriage or relationship isn't working and we don't know how to make it better.
And for some, it feels awkward or even embarrassing to ask for assistance or guidance.
Often that reluctance comes from a mistaken belief that if we REALLY LOVE each other, then everything else in our relationship is supposed to naturally fall into place.
So, we can feel pretty raw and vulnerable when our marriage or relationship isn't working and we don't know how to make it better.
And for some, it feels awkward or even embarrassing to ask for assistance or guidance.
Often that reluctance comes from a mistaken belief that if we REALLY LOVE each other, then everything else in our relationship is supposed to naturally fall into place.
It's a question I hear often and it's certainly a legitimate one to ask when you're thinking of investing in marriage counseling.
After all, it would be great to have that assurance before investing your time and money into counseling.
Okay, I'm a relationship and marriage counselor, so you can only expect that you'd get a biased opinion from me.
If I didn't believe marriage counseling was beneficial, I wouldn't have formed Asheville Marriage Counseling and committed my practice to providing it.
After all, it would be great to have that assurance before investing your time and money into counseling.
Okay, I'm a relationship and marriage counselor, so you can only expect that you'd get a biased opinion from me.
If I didn't believe marriage counseling was beneficial, I wouldn't have formed Asheville Marriage Counseling and committed my practice to providing it.
Have you ever had a puzzle or riddle you were trying to solve and just couldn't see any answer?
Then someone offers a hint or suggests a different way to look at it and suddenly the answer - or a new way of moving forward - becomes clear to you?
And then when you look at the puzzle the way forward may even seem obvious.
One important part of couple's counseling involves a very similar process.
The counselor guides you in viewing or considering your situation from a new perspective, which uncovers previously unseen ways for moving forward.
Then someone offers a hint or suggests a different way to look at it and suddenly the answer - or a new way of moving forward - becomes clear to you?
And then when you look at the puzzle the way forward may even seem obvious.
One important part of couple's counseling involves a very similar process.
The counselor guides you in viewing or considering your situation from a new perspective, which uncovers previously unseen ways for moving forward.
So generally, my individual clients are either folks I've previously seen as a couple wanting to do a little individual work - or occasionally - someone struggling in a relationship and hoping to move into couple counseling.
Individual therapy is likely to be a bit more 'in depth' than couple's counseling.
In addition to looking for solutions that work, we're also apt to spend more time to understand how you make choices, what influences you and why, where you get stuck, among other concerns.
The specific approach we'll use will depend on your strengths, your personality style, and how you organize information and explore new ideas.
Individual therapy is likely to be a bit more 'in depth' than couple's counseling.
In addition to looking for solutions that work, we're also apt to spend more time to understand how you make choices, what influences you and why, where you get stuck, among other concerns.
The specific approach we'll use will depend on your strengths, your personality style, and how you organize information and explore new ideas.
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